The Butcher of Kuala Lumpur

Untold millions of ringgit make it to untold hundreds of politicians

Malaysian chief of police today stared in utter disbelief at a report he received from a senior police official.

His lack of speech, when queried by local media, was attributed to the shock that reverberated around his nervous system for several hours (Jesus, who writes this? -ed) following the initial viewing of the report.

Clearly, the facts highlighted by the report - one of which was that untold millions of ringgit have disappeared from the people’s shallow pockets and government’s coffers, coming instead into possession of untold hundreds of corrupt and senile politicians, more than 69% of whom have two or more wives - were of such staggering scope that even the police chief had great difficulty comprehending them.

It is not known yet what actions will be taken by the law in relation to this matter. However, sources believe that whatever the outcomes of this report, it will take untold decades of effort, valour, dedication and paperwork to set things in motion.

In other news today, untold thousands of Malaysians smoke untold millions of tobacco products daily.

Tags: Malaysia boleh, urban legend

Break the Myth #1

So there’s this widely circulated notice on how most of us live on the edge when eating instant noodles. You know, we just dump in our Maggi Mee into that pot of boiling water, and then throw in the seasoning and it’s done after 2 minutes or so.

Apparently, this exposes us to an avoidable health risk!!!!! (don’t mind if I just delete one or two of your excalamation marks - ed.)This is the notice I’ve pulled off altavista:

Normally, we cook the instant noodles byputting the noodles into a pot with water, throw in the powder and let it cook for 3 mins.

Believe it or not, this is the WRONG method of cooking the instant noodles.

By doing this, when we actually boil the ingredients in the powder, normally with MSG, it will change the molecular structures of the MSG causing it to be toxic. The other thing that you may or may not realized is that, the noodles are coated with wax and it will take around 4 to 5 days
for the body to excrete the wax after you have taken the noodles.

The Correct Way

1. boil the noodles in a pot with water.
2. once the noodles is cooked, take out the noodles, and throw away the water which contains wax.
3. boil another pot of water till boiling and put the noodles into the hot boiling water and then shut the fire.
4. only at this stage when the fire is off, and while the water is very hot, put the ingredient with the powder into the water, to make noodle soup.
5. however, if you need dry noodles, take out the noodles n add the ingredient with the powder and toss it to get dry noodles.

Woo! My dad repeated this to me recently, and I’m a huge eater of pre-cooked shite, so, you know. So ok let’s break this myth:

1. MSG is a stable ingredient, just like salt - it doesn’t “become toxic” in boiling water.

2. Instant noodles are not coated with wax, but starch. Even if they were, wax is harmless and passes out as easily and quickly as dietary fibre.

Of course, I still believe the Maggi Mee I eat is toxic as hell. You only live once!

Tags: break the myth, healthy food, instant noodles, Maggi Mee, Mi Maggi, MSG, urban legend