Malaysia
Malay man returns from Arabia to buy car that is also pussy magnet
Encik Farid Mastor, a successful Malay man who brokers oil deals in Arabia, decided just 5 minutes ago that he would return to Malaysia to buy a car.
“Not just any car, though. I’m looking for a car that is also a pussy magnet. I’ll be like, the pussy magnetiser,” said Farid when asked for some comments.
“The thing about being an honest Malay man nowadays is that you don’t stand a chance in neraka when it comes to getting a girl to be interested in you. If you can’t get around your morals or your conscience, you’re doomed to a single life,” Farid laments on the state of Malay girls who nowadays will only date men for their money or status.
“I mean, if I were white, at least I could get a Malay girl who’ll call me “open” and “understanding”,” he continues, referring to the masses of Malay women who have married foreigners, believing that they are a lot more sensitive and open-minded than local Malay men.
So on his next trip home, Farid will buy a nice car that will turn heads. Farid will be the ultimate pussy magnetiser.
Malaysian does country proud with stirring forwarded e-mail dedication to Palestine
Last week, Rani a/p Ramesh was just another nondescript Malaysian student drinking her posh Starbucks chocolate chip frappucino with her other posh modern, forward-thinking Indian friends. But last night, Rani received a soul-enlightening revelation of karmaic proportions while she was cleaning out her Hotmail inbox.
Nestled amongst breast enlargement spam, a curious email from an old friend caught her attention. Entitled “Please forward this to your friends. Palestinians need you!”, the e-mail contained about 10 photographs which evidenced shocking violations of human rights in Gaza. It also appealed to receipients to forward the email in an effort to disseminate the truth about Israel.
“There was this photo, ah, of this scary-looking Israeli soldier, pointing his gun at an innocent Palestinian,” she recounted remorsefully. When asked how she knew the man in the photo was an innocent civilian, she responded that “the caption said it what”.
But it was what happened next that would forever change the life of Rani and of thousands of other Malaysians. In a moment of inspiration, Rani thought that this was her chance to make herself useful and do something good for the world. Changing the email’s title to “PLZZZZZ forward to everyone. Palestinians need you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, she then forwarded the e-mail to her entire email list of 412 friends. At time of reporting, at least 62 of her posh friends have done the same, making sure that the email reached some 20,000 Malaysians.
Rani is proud of what she did, particularly at her creative effort in adding exactly 16 exclamation marks to the email’s title, 16 being her age this year. She says, “What I did, I did for Palestine. The poor Muslims are dying. The Jews must go to hell!”
Chinese man forgets to eat pork
Chin Ah Beng was a hounded man yesterday evening when he failed to consume the required daily intake of pork.
Normally a very astute Chinese man, with yellowish unhealthy looking skin and slanted eyes, Mr. Chin just somehow fell short of the extremely high standards set for him by countless generations of Chins eating pork-laden, lard-filled food.
A Malay observer, Mohd Hisham, shook his head in disgust. “Cina selalu makan babi, dan itulah budaya dan tradisi mereka. Orang seperti En. Chin seharusnya peka terhadap isu-isu semasa dan mempertahankan hak orang Cina untuk memakan babi dengan serakus-rakusnya”.
Roughly translated: “The Chinese have always eaten pork, and that is their culture and tradition. People like Mr. Chin should be sensitive to current issues and defend the right of the Chinese to eat pork ravenously.”
It is thought that a report regarding the incident has been lodged with the Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA) and the police have been notified of a possible investigation. The Chin Clan Foundation, headquartered in Beijing, has also launched an internal inquisition.
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