The Butcher of Kuala Lumpur

Malaysian does country proud with stirring forwarded e-mail dedication to Palestine

Last week, Rani a/p Ramesh was just another nondescript Malaysian student drinking her posh Starbucks chocolate chip frappucino with her other posh modern, forward-thinking Indian friends. But last night, Rani received a soul-enlightening revelation of karmaic proportions while she was cleaning out her Hotmail inbox.

Nestled amongst breast enlargement spam, a curious email from an old friend caught her attention. Entitled “Please forward this to your friends. Palestinians need you!”, the e-mail contained about 10 photographs which evidenced shocking violations of human rights in Gaza. It also appealed to receipients to forward the email in an effort to disseminate the truth about Israel.

“There was this photo, ah, of this scary-looking Israeli soldier, pointing his gun at an innocent Palestinian,” she recounted remorsefully. When asked how she knew the man in the photo was an innocent civilian, she responded that “the caption said it what”.

But it was what happened next that would forever change the life of Rani and of thousands of other Malaysians. In a moment of inspiration, Rani thought that this was her chance to make herself useful and do something good for the world. Changing the email’s title to “PLZZZZZ forward to everyone. Palestinians need you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, she then forwarded the e-mail to her entire email list of 412 friends. At time of reporting, at least 62 of her posh friends have done the same, making sure that the email reached some 20,000 Malaysians.

Rani is proud of what she did, particularly at her creative effort in adding exactly 16 exclamation marks to the email’s title, 16 being her age this year. She says, “What I did, I did for Palestine. The poor Muslims are dying. The Jews must go to hell!”

Tags: Gaza Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Malaysia India, Malaysia Palestine

My name is Pak Loh

Hi there, assalamualaikum!

What’s up my Malay brothers? Oops, I meant Malaysian of course! Oh, my name? Obdolloh Achmad Betawi. YEAH it’s a MOUTHFUL I knowww! Don’t you just hate people with long names you can’t pronounce. Hey, tell you what, you go on ahead and call me Pak Loh. Robyn Brant from Kelang says it means “Uncle”. So yeah, I’m kind of the generic brother your daddy/mommy never told you about.

That Brant fellow’s quite a rambler, let me tell you. He was asking me just the other day if I regretted being pushed out. ME? I? I am the BAPAK er… BAPAK MALAYSIA kurun ke-21! Seriously.

Then there’s that cunt, Chindra Mousaphar, who tells people I was weak, and reluctant. I sure wasn’t weak nor reluctant when I rammed it up yours, eh Muzaffar? Eh? Eh?

I hate all you media people and ISIS-political-expert-wannabes. Cunts, that what you are. Arrrr!

Of course, we can’t forget what Mister Ebrahim told me in August after “winning” (I don’t call 31,195 out of 47,000 a win: 66% is a C grade in school terms and my dad whipped me good if I couldn’t even manage a B!) Permitong Peuh. What the fuck does he mean when he says that I “must take heed of the sentiments and the call of Malaysians”. As far as I’m concerned, all that Malaysians ever call for is more money and less working days. Sentiments? You know what Malaysians get sentimental about? Nasi cuntsy lemak and teh fucking tarik. Not human rights reform or social equality.

Seriously. I hope Jeennye’s ready to give head tonight cause I’m feeling like sheet.

Assalamualaikum and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Maaf Zahir dan Batin! Malaysia Boleh!

Tags: Anwar, Badawi, Ibrahim, Jeanne Abdullah, Kuala Lumpur, Malay, Melayu, Najib, Pak Lah, seks, sex, UMNO

We Are

We are the Butcher of Kuala Lumpur.
You should presume that we are a joke, we expect. And we expect also that you should not understand the humour.
If you meet us in the streets, do not cower. Hinder us, as best you may. Harry us, do not allow your incomprehension to excuse your inaction.
We are the butcher of Kuala Lumpur.

Tags: butcher, Kuala Lumpur, lies, Malaysia, sex, tape, video