The Butcher of Kuala Lumpur

Burger King: Have It Your Way

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Burger King sucks ass. How can anyone justify paying over RM 10.00 for a pitiful shade of flattened burger bread and thin beef patty, flat Coke, woeful sundae and dour french fries? Have It Your Way, my ass. My Way is not parting with the image of my Agong on a red note in return for food I know has a poorer nutritional value than that of meals given to ISA detainees (I think this can hold account even if ISA meals WERE little better than dog food).

I hate you so much, BK. I used to sing your praises. I used to vehemently bully friends into forgoing the Golden Arches and BK-ing with me instead. But now you suck ass so bad, your lips are way more puckered than Ronald McDonald’s. Boo!

Reflecting on last night, I could not have, in my most somber pessimism, foresee the criminal event that I was unfortunate enough to be a part of.

I’d not eaten the entire day and looked forward to a visit to Section 13 (?) Shah Alam’s newly-opened Burger King. I’d passed by the place before, near the stadium, and always harboured ambitions for it. Burger King is an all-time favourite with me and also my wife. I have many joyful memories of juicy burgers and happy smiles: always, sinking my teeth into a Burger King endeavour has brought me great satisfaction.

It was not to be, not last night. In the space that I shared with 15 minutes, perhaps 1,000 sq. ft. and some 20 strangers, one of my longest held beliefs of great fast food was laid undone, shattered in a so atrocious a manner that I lost sleep over it.

I’ll put the photos, quickly, not today, but quickly. Last night, Burger King’s worst-kept secret was not its flame-grilled patties but its shy patties. I received my burger - a Rodeo Cheese - apprehensively taking in how small the wrapped package seemed next to my sacred memories of huge Whoppers, that pampered the hands with bosom-like fluffiness.

I opened the wrapping, and found inside a paltry offering of two withered buns, pinching a very hidden patty, a very small patty. Never mind, I said to my wife, perhaps it will taste just as great. I easily ignored the lack of taste and size from the burger, these shortcomings forgiven in loyal memory of past meals rendered.

Tags: beef, BK, Burger, burger king, fast food, mcdonald