The Butcher of Kuala Lumpur

I’m So Proud of Our New National Car

Haha. My name is Ahmad, and I am a proud Malaysian.

Well! Our sneaky national car company is so super cool that they caught me completely unawares with the launch of their super super super new MPV (yeah, multi-purpose vehicle… what other purpose can a vehicle have other than to be a vehicle?).

The Exora. At just under MYR 80,000, it’s supposed to be good value for money. Uh huh… considering that a loan would have the average guy pay at least 20% interest (yes, I’m such a positively positive person I’m willing to think the banks will let the average Malaysian off with a 7-year loan at 3% per annum), that’s MYR 96,000 ringgit. I make, after cuts, just about MYR 1,770 per month. That would take me more than 4 years to make the money to pay for that “family car” (Proton’s descriptive phrase, not mine).

Can you believe that I’m making more than the average working adult? I can!

Malaysia Boleh!

Tags: Malaysia boleh, Proton Exora

Mmm, fat rice

Fact of the day: “Nasi lemak” means fat rice.

Bonus Malaysian fact of the day: The Americans call Obama their first black president (or some say, African-American president). Malaysians call blacks “orang berkulit hitam” which means “black-skinned man”.

Super Generous Malaysian fact of the day: The national flower of Malaysia is the Chinese hibiscus.

Tags: Malaysia boleh

Minister suggests non-Malay quota

In a progressive-thinking, open-minded and incisive monologue in the cabinet smoking room yesterday, a minister quietly suggested to himself a non-Malay quota system for the country.

Deciding that he looked quite pensive, he mouthed silently to his image in the wall mirror that the country’s Malay population was beginning to lose its majority.

The minister, whose initials could be M.S. or A.L. or even R.T, thought that if he could convince the other ministers a culling of the burgeoning populations of non-Malays in the country, he could protect the Malay Master race from extinction, or worse, dilution.

He nodded a few times, watching his shadow bob up and down, and then decided to take a pee, before forgetting the whole idea.

The minister also thought that his new secretary was quite pretty and would probably very much like to be his new girlfriend.

Tags: Malaysia boleh