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Maya Karin hates lizards and wants to be a tiger. Seriously.

So Maya Karin is our favourite gal, isn’t she? Everyone wants a part of her. The media darling has to fend off - literally - advertisers, product marketing people, fans. Yes, she is just so special and nobody has anything bad to say about her.

And that’s why she’s going to be the focus of today’s post <insert off-hand smiley>.

5 things you did not know about Maya Karin:

1. Maya hates lizards “with a vengeance”. Apparently, these poor little wall crawlers freak her out. It could be her repressed sense of loyalty towards religion of course, but I’d better not risk saying so. Oops.

2. Maya likes the Souled Out eatery in Hartamas because she blends in there. Seriously, Maya admits that she blends in with the pishy poshy of Hartamas. I’m going to make a new simile now: “She doesn’t stand a chance… like a naked Maya Karin in Petaling Street.”

3. Maya does not expect to see dolphins “in Australia off a cliff”. That’s right, folks. All the years of MTV and Discovery Channel haven’t taught Maya to expect seeing wildlife off the coast of Australia.

4. Maya would like to be a tiger, if she could. I suppose she means tigress, but then I always did suspect her masculine qualities to point to some dark secret. Of course, it could also be just an innocent reference to her brief appearance as a tiger spirit in one of her movies. It was a lousy movie, Maya. Get over it.

5. Maya thinks that the “faith” that people put in her “as an entertainer and artiste” also qualifies as faith in her “as an endorsement personality”. WTF? Who makes all these terms up anyway? I hereby declare the birth of another simile: “She is as much a saint as Maya Karin is an endorsement personality.”

Tags: Malaysia boleh, Maya Karin, seks Melayu

Monday, June 8th, 2009 Your Abattoir No Comments

Untold millions of ringgit make it to untold hundreds of politicians

Malaysian chief of police today stared in utter disbelief at a report he received from a senior police official.

His lack of speech, when queried by local media, was attributed to the shock that reverberated around his nervous system for several hours (Jesus, who writes this? -ed) following the initial viewing of the report.

Clearly, the facts highlighted by the report - one of which was that untold millions of ringgit have disappeared from the people’s shallow pockets and government’s coffers, coming instead into possession of untold hundreds of corrupt and senile politicians, more than 69% of whom have two or more wives - were of such staggering scope that even the police chief had great difficulty comprehending them.

It is not known yet what actions will be taken by the law in relation to this matter. However, sources believe that whatever the outcomes of this report, it will take untold decades of effort, valour, dedication and paperwork to set things in motion.

In other news today, untold thousands of Malaysians smoke untold millions of tobacco products daily.

Tags: Malaysia boleh, urban legend