The Butcher of Kuala Lumpur

Speed Dating for Nerds - 6th MSC Malaysia InnoTech 2009

Ahmad looked across the rusty rims of his warped spectacles, trying to make out the long-haired figure seated maybe 50 metres away from his seat at the stylish Starbucks at Jalan Nyiur. His young blood boiled when he saw that it was indeed a person of the female persuasion, and then trained his failing eyesight on her broad, straight shoulders.

It really is all he could ever do, poor Ahmad. Poor, poor Ahmad.

Ahmad’s one of those really creepy drool-boys just dying to get to know girls. He’ll walk up just close enough to follow her into the lift, smell her perfume and pretend to fight for the buttons. He’d make sure their fingers brush, he’d laugh at it - never getting a response better than the icy stare - and then smile when they’re realise they’re “going out on the same floor”.

But Ahmad was in a super good mood this time. He’d just paid RM50 to register himself for the 6th MSC Malaysia’s Innotech event at Berjaya Times Square. Sure, he was interested in pitching his ideas to one or two big shots, networking with like-minded bizpreneurs of technology and showing up at one of the year’s most awaited events. But it was an item he spied on the agenda that really got him all psyched up to attend.

The MSC speed date event. Ahmad just couldn’t wait to meet all those sexy geek-ladies and power-females all waiting to date him in short exciting 1-minute bursts.

Little did Ahmad know that a certain Nini Dee - sitting in front of her gmail and Facebook at 11pm that night - was thinking the exact same thing

Tags: 6th MSC Malaysia InnoTech 2009

Happy July 4th!

Yes, today, we will change the way we write our date. Today we will say July 4th - the American standardized way! (Editor - even your spelling is American today! Well done!)

It’s funny that the Americans normally say 4th July, though, isn’t it?

Malay man returns from Arabia to buy car that is also pussy magnet

Encik Farid Mastor, a successful Malay man who brokers oil deals in Arabia, decided just 5 minutes ago that he would return to Malaysia to buy a car.

“Not just any car, though. I’m looking for a car that is also a pussy magnet. I’ll be like, the pussy magnetiser,” said Farid when asked for some comments.

“The thing about being an honest Malay man nowadays is that you don’t stand a chance in neraka when it comes to getting a girl to be interested in you. If you can’t get around your morals or your conscience, you’re doomed to a single life,” Farid laments on the state of Malay girls who nowadays will only date men for their money or status.

“I mean, if I were white, at least I could get a Malay girl who’ll call me “open” and “understanding”,” he continues, referring to the masses of Malay women who have married foreigners, believing that they are a lot more sensitive and open-minded than local Malay men.

So on his next trip home, Farid will buy a nice car that will turn heads. Farid will be the ultimate pussy magnetiser.

Tags: Malaysia, Malaysia boleh